Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Now Comes The Big Lie

I'm always brainstorming. It drives my wife crazy. Which fascinates me.

(the brainstorming, that is.)

Crazy Michele should always be kept belted in.

Now is the time to warn my readers. Unlike most all the other stories in this blog, part of the following experience DID NOT happen. With 25 years in the tire business, I've had tires blow up in my face before but never quite as depicted here.

From time to time, I think about sprucing up my business website a bit with catchy stuff. Today I got a new idea I just knew would drive hordes of traffic from my business website right straight to my blog.

I invent and sell equipment for tire dealers and propane marketers. That's what my website is all about.So how could I increase my blog traffic? Simple. Entice my website traffic to mosey on over and spend some time on my blog, thereby bumping up my blog traffic. I needed something catchy that would pull them in. So, I concocted the following story for both tire and propane guys. I knew the heading would have to interest both industries so I titled it as follows:

Propane-Filled Tire?

Now most tire busters and all propane pumpers know you just simply do not put propane in tires. Propane blows up. Tires blow out. The only thing that could make those two situations worse is to combine them. So I'm thinking this would be enough to get their attention.

After they clicked on the heading, they would get this...

Who in their right mind would put propane in a tire?

Then I would say something like...

Ummm, let's see. Oh yeah! Ben would. Let's read his journal entry from a few weeks ago (now comes the big lie) :

Well, it was an exceptionally bad day, even for me. I got a flat tire on my way home from work and called my wife to come get me. She picked me up and we went back to the shop to get my compressor to pump it up. Only then did I remember it needed a new belt for the compressor.

I needed a method of tire pressurization NOW! My truck was roadkill at the moment. It was probably getting clipped to the tow truck as I gazed impotently at the beltless compressor.

I did not want to have to crawl under the back end of the truck, winch down the spare, jack the truck up, smash a finger, get the back of my shirt all dirty, change the tire, cross thread a couple of studs and nuts while screwing the wheel back, I simply needed to pump the flat up until I could get it to a tire store.

Looking around for something, anything with pressure, I walked over and looked at my garden hose. It undoubtedly would pump the tire up but I didn't have quite enough hose to stretch the three and a half miles back to my truck.

Then I saw it. A nice, handy, portable little tank. The minute I saw it, I knew it would work! So, I grabbed my recently-filled barbecue tank and an air hose. I carefully put my dunce cap on and hustled back to my wife waiting in the car.

After arriving at the truck, I duct taped the hose to the tank valve and pumped the tire up. I'm telling you, propane does more than just cook your steak or fuel your water heater. That tire stood prouder and taller than any other tire on the truck.

The tire was up plenty, maybe a little too much. I put my gauge on the stem and it registered 120 psi with a slight whiff of propane to boot. Whoops! I decided I better release a little excess pressure just to be on the safe side.

Knowing it would take a bit of time to free the excess air/gas mixture, I sat back and relaxed as the pressure began coming down to the manufacturer's suggested list price, I mean pressure. While I waited, I started to notice the strong odor of propane. Well, at least the smelling part of my brain was working.

After a few moments of thought, I figured it might be a good idea if I engaged the rest the equipment under my cap. All of a sudden I began wondering if propane was an approved substance for filling light truck tires. The cautious man that I am, I decided to check the safety precautions that are always written in miniature print on the sidewall. Black writing on black tire. Hard to see.

It was getting dark and I didn't have my reading glasses. I pulled out my lighter to brighten up the sidewall lettering when...

Well, you'll just have to read the blog for the rest of the story.

(Back to reality)

So that would be the end of my story on the website. I would then follow it with a link to this blog. I figured tire busters and propane pumpers alike would be flocking to my blog to find out what happened. Who knows, someday they just might need the knowledge I was about to impart.

However, since it was made up, there's be nothing more to tell. Kind of a bait and switch tactic. But my job would be accomplished. They'd end up here.

This great story never got listed at . Here's why...(this next part really happened)

I called my wife in to look at the story. She read it and said "I don't remember this. When did this happen?"

"Hun," I lovingly replied in a condescending and incredulous voice. "This never happened. I just made it up to generate some additional interest from potential customers and help the blog out at the same time."

I was then informed by a familiar and stern voice that this scenario would not come to pass. The reasons? Since all my other blog stories are true, this false account would render suspicion on my other experiences. And, my business customers would read my blog and quit buying product from me because they would think I was a couple of marbles short of a full bag.

Bottom line--there will not be Risky Business blog links listed on

By the way, once again, the above story is not true. At least the part about the tire blowing up. The wife blowing up? No comment.

An aside to the tire story...One of my brothers is a very inventive guy. Some 25 years ago Brad had a flat tire on his pickup at his house. He had no air compressor at the time. He lived a long 5 miles away from my tire store. He decided to invent a way to get out of the work normally involved with this type of predicament. (He's usually pretty lethargic when it comes to manual work like changing a tire.)

Since I owned the local tire store, he called for help but I was busy and didn't have time to drive up and pump his tire up. I was surprised when he showed up at my tire store a bit later and asked me to fix the flat on his truck. Knowing him, I figured he must have sent his wife out to change the tire. He flatly denied that had been the case.

.....................................My brother Brad

"How'd you pump it up, then?" I asked him.

"Easy, I just stuck the garden hose on the stem, turned the faucet on and filled it with water pressure."

I wouldn't recommend this for several reasons.

  • There is no shock absorption or flexibility of the tire if it is filled with water like there is when filled with air. It's a good way to ruin a tire or have a wreck.
  • The tire can be rendered severely out of balance when filled with water.
  • People will laugh at you for decades after. (Just ask Brad)

    Brad claimed it was less work than putting the spare on. I have to admit. It got the job done.


    Phil and Holly said...

    10 miles away..

    Tricia Freeman said...

    Do explain the picture though, it could have been some kind of explosion or maybe just the oil pan leaking in your eye??

    ginny said...

    Michelle was right--stick to the semi-truth anyway.