Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Cops, Pros and Cons

This little entry was composed tongue-in-cheek with no malice intended, at least toward the approximately 50% of law enforcement that I have had good experiences with. They are the best!

I could write a book about all the experiences I've had with cops. When I was a tyke of 6 years of age or so, I read how cops got their name. It seems that in England, back in the 18 or early 19 hundreds- (I love literary license), cops were called constables. When they were out with their radar guns writing up tickets for teenagers speeding down main street in the family carriage, they were referred to as Constables On Patrol. Shorten that title up and you've got COP. I will take a giant chance here and declare the title of COP was the world's first acronym.

I have also heard other acronyms used for law enforcement officials. I've been under the impression for years that officers are also referred to as Police Investigating Guilty Sitizens.

So the other night, I was on Facebook. I noticed in our nearby local town of Connell, a constable had been out on patrol. Honestly, when I saw this picture, I immediately concluded that this cop had parked his car illegally.

Now, I have great empathy for the driver of this vehicle. Whatever he was doing when he slid up-side the guy-wire of the power pole which is located just outside the picture to the left, had to have been against cop rules. We haven't received the local weekly paper yet this week but I'll bet dollars to cop doughnuts that there will be no press about this incident. Why?

Police departments do not like their men in blue portrayed in a negative light. Tax payers do not like to see their funds being spent in calling tow trucks out to pull cop cars down from power poles. It's expensive enough to the city coffers when a fire truck has to be called out to pull a cat out of a tree.

Furthermore, law enforcement does not like to have egg on their collective faces. So, since we probably won't get the full details of this incident, I will compile a list of possible reasons outside the scope of police-reporting possibilities of why this incident may have occurred.

  • Pardon me but I just have to start off with the standard cop-doughnut observation. I'm thinking this officer had just pulled away from the Crispy Cremes shop and while traveling down the street, was having trouble getting the 2-Dozen creme-filled container opened. He probably hadn't eaten since his last mini-mart stop 15 minutes earlier and therefore was in a big hurry to get the box opened. He may have drawn his revolver, pulled the single bullet that the chief issued him out of his shirt pocket, slipped it into the chamber, drew a bead on the tough tape holding the box shut, closed his eyes and...the rest is history.
  • Perhaps this officer had been up to the grade school giving demonstrations on how to correctly fasten your seat belt so the kiddies could avoid a ticket for being unbuckled. Now this scenario is most unlikely because seat belt tickets have been voted by law enforcement agencies everywhere to be the easiest and most profitable ticket to write. Why would this officer be at the grade school trying to cut the revenue stream? Highly unlikely. But, let's just say he was. It's possible that as he was giving his last demonstration and as he clicked his belt on securely, he was a little distracted by the good-looking 2nd grade teacher standing behind the class of future buckled-in tykes. This distraction may have been a little much and caused him to thread the belt through his steering wheel on its way to the snap buckle. This would not have been a problem until he tried to turn. Now as he pulled away from the school and gazed at the teacher through his rear-view mirror, he would have had no idea his steering wheel was now as securely buckled in as he was. When he tried to turn the corner past the grade school and access the street which led past the guy-wired power pole he would have noticed that the steering wheel would only make a half turn before the seat belt did its thing. He would have also noticed that he was going too fast for the conditions. The rest is pictorial history.
  • Or, he may have been cruising down the small-town street and noticed an errant cat atop a power pole.

              Not wanting to spend public funds (ala the fire truck callout), he figured if he gave a little bump to the  guy-wire, it might shake the former tree (which had now grown up into a power pole) and throw the feline off her perch. Somewhere in the gray matter underneath his officer's cap, he calculated it would take more than just a little bump to get the claws out of the cross pole. And so, lining up with the cable, turning the siren and the red and blues on, he proceeded code 3 to the sturdy support line. Instead of the expected bump, the guy-wire and power pole remained motionless and the cat-removal vehicle obtained the upward pitch of a big old jet airliner at liftoff. The cat remained aloof while looking down and snickering.

  • Or, maybe the subject policeman had just gotten hired on in one of the larger towns to the south of Connell. He probably had another 2 years of working for Connell on his contract and was supposed to show up at the new job the following week. As he sat in his car trying to figure out how he could void his existing contract, he saw the guy wire straight ahead. He congratulated himself on his ingenious ingenuity, crowded out all wisdom and caution, and turned the key.
    Ok, I must admit I have no idea how this happened. However, I'm sure the real reason is probably wilder than any of the reasons I've proposed.


    Chelsea said...

    Tag this picture to the Tri-City Herald on facebook :) Hilarious!

    Diana said...

    Ben, after Neil read your blog (he was in the process of re-reading them) He said, "Now the whole world will see this!"