Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Hi, my name is Ben and I'm a recovering...idiot. (Part 2)

(Note: The post following this one didn't get lost after all. I didn't realize it until I finished redoing with this one. Sorry about the extra ink!)

Strike that title! I just composed a monstrous post and Firefox decided to step in at a most inconvenient time and dump it. Anyone who doesn't save their work on a computer every 30 seconds is an idiot. I am one and not recovering in the least.

Computers cannot be relied upon. An fellow inventor friend of mine has experienced numerous pc failures over the years. Whenever someone brings up the subject of computers, he flies into a rage and starts yelling that every computer is a "Prototype". (Ok, I just saved this)

In spite of having massive computer failures myself over the years, I have to chuckle since a prototype is a beginning or first edition of a new model or invention. He thinks each computer has been independently invented on its own, custom manufactured and developed, individually and separately and one-by-one, and then sold to the masses.

He sounds pretty kooky until I experience a droppage of work off my screen like just happened. (I just hit Save) Just to be sure, I just Saved again.

Back to what I had been writing before my prototype disintegrated...

The last 4 or 5 decades have proven beyond any shadow of doubt that I am an idiot. Over the last several years, the dysfunctional occurrences have faded and I thought I was on the road to normality. I began writing my book with the title of this post but then the almost missing the plane thing last fall hit. I have hit rock bottom again.

For whatever reason, I scoot as close to the edge of the precipice as I possibly can. I consider it a welcome challenge to see if an impossible action can be accomplished without much forethought and dive in without giving it another forethought. I am an adrenalin junkie. Therefore, when you get on my blog, you can have something to read. This is all for your benefit.

So this blog thing is brand new to me. I have been writing a book for the last 12 or 15 years and have been providing material for the book for the last 55 years. However, my book needs a lot of editing to get in any kind of flowing and understandable form. My very limited knowledge thus far indicates to me that a blog can just be thrown in the hopper. Who cares what kind of chronological order it's in? It just has to be worth reading. So I'm throwing the book idea out of the dance hall and cavorting with my blog.

Yesterday was my first day of posting. However, I spent most of the day (and night) with it so by now I consider myself a professional novice blog expert. From the comments I received, I've even picked up a few fans on the first run out of the chute.

My wife, however, is not one of them. She harped on me all day long to get something productive done. When I began speaking of stats and design and hits and comments and followings and monetizing and links, she rolled her eyes and muttered something like "I'd like to give him a hit, alright" as she walked away to do something productive.

So I'm about half manic depressive. I'm also around half bipolar. This may explain the reason I've been up till all hours the last two nights. I've got blog on the brain.

I usually don't sleep much because I'm inventing something (that's what I do for a living) or trying to figure out how to pay the bills (that's also what I do for a living). So now I have to add blogging to my list of sleep inhibitors.

Traditionally, when I go to bed, about half the time after the lights have gone out, I start brain storming and pumping the old adrenalin. It's no use trying to sleep at that point. I've learned to hop out of bed and go watch tv. Often I can go right to sleep if there's a distraction to take my mind off the vexing focus of the day.

Well, last night, this blog and all its implications came home to roost in my noggin' as soon as the incandescents powered down. I found it fun and necessary through the day to watch the hits climb and the ad clicks mount every few minutes. Last night was no different and my wife knew that's where I was headed as I got out of bed.

"DO NOT GET ON THE COMPUTER!" she commanded. "Promise me you will not get on the computer!" came several times more from the commandant. After analyzing both of our situations and what I had to do to maintain the peace, I agreed.

"Promise me!" she said.

"OK, I promise."

I promptly went in and hit the mouse button. The computer instantly emitted its deafening doorbell tones which I had forgotten would happen. The blog rush had made me lose all caution. All I could do at that point was pray she had fallen into a deep sleep in the past 20 seconds and did not hear the annunciation of the mouse movement and the spooling up of the hard drive.

The door flew open and there she was, in all her nighttime fury. "You promised me!" she claimed.

I knew this was going to take some fast thinking to diffuse. "Hun" (spelling in this instance is correct. Definition: Hun--A barbarous or destructive person), I said calmly and meekly. "Stop for a minute. ON is the key word in this discussion. I promised you that I wouldn't come in here and get ON the computer. Does it look like I'm ON the computer?"

I knew I was in the clear. At that moment, I was sitting in a chair. The computer was tucked away under the desk. There is no way a skinny 5 year-old could have gotten ON the computer, let alone a large individual such as myself.

It didn't work. But in the end it did. She didn't understand my logic but she didn't argue. She once again muttered something about she'd like to monetize by giving me a hit in the link and then slammed the door.

Now I could monitor my new blog in peace.

Post note: I didn't get to sleep till just before the break of dawn. Thanks for the comments, ad clicks and hits. I'll probably be sleeping the rest of the day.

Tell your friends and get them following this blog!


Chelsea said...

hahahaha, soooo funny. Love this.

Lisa said...

You're making your wife sound mean. She is an absolute saint and one of the most amazing people I know. you need to let all of the people who haven't met her know that.

Chelsea said...

I agree with Aunt Lisa, she is a SAINT. I didn't think that part was funny, I thought your explanation of not being ON the computer was funny, and of course a few other things.

brentandkashann said...

Had to LOL a couple of times reading that.

Kate said...

Ha, Ha, Ha, your a maniac....
Love it.

stokermw said...

After reading this entry, my wife thinks you may have been a bad influence on me and that's where I got my Smart Alecy nature. I assured her that you had nothing to do with it, that part just came natural.